Tuesday, October 09, 2007

9/15 F&P wedding



















photo taken by: Jethro Lam

My great friends Florrie and Patrick tied the knot! Their wedding was beautiful and touching. Wish them all the best!!







Photo taken by: Tommy So

I partnered with Victor to mc the wedding reception. Victor is a great partner. It was a fun experience!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

6/27 7am Hong Kong












I still remember the feeling. I was on the bus going home from the Hong Kong airport, after almost half a year (and 24 hrs on the road!).

That was a nice day. The sky was blue, air was crisp, sunlight was mellow. I sat on the bus, anticipating home and the trip to Europe. The air was filled with a delightful mood -- I am in Hong Kong!

.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I am back!

After two months, I am finally here again -- back to my blog. Many things happened and I do feel that I have changed.

First, my perspective to my study has changed. I must say that responding to friends and relatives asking "how many more years?" forced me to think. Grad school is like a time capsule. From time to time when you need to "come out," you feel like nothing really happened to you while everybody is moving on. Friends ask "what's up?" You would answer "Not much, same thing."

Seriously, how many more years do I take? Three, crisp and clear.

In order to meet this target, i have to plan carefully. I have to recognize the critical skills that I have to master before I graduate. And I have to seek the opportunity to learn them.

Here are something I have to master: teaching, writing, presenting.

Teaching
I am TA'ing a class this semester -- nervous! It is not my first time to teach but first time to teach American students. Jessie (my sister) told me that she does not feel nervous after teaching the 3rd semester. It is comforting because (1) it is normal to feel nervous, and (2) i will get better after a few semesters.

Writing and Presenting
Last semester I started to write a book chapter with CY. It was challenging! I felt quite frustrated that I just could not communicate clearly. On the other hand, i felt glad that, after writing that book chapter, CY has a relatively accurate assessment of where I am in terms of writing skills. We have set a goal for this semester: improve writing skills. I hope that I will be able to communicate my research effectively through writing and oral communication.

------
p/s I am planning to write about my Europe trip and the various things in this summer. It may take a loooooooong time. Stay tuned.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Almost Ready!

My bag is packed, flight is confirmed, and i just sent emails to confirm all the hotel bookings. Almost ready!

Every time leaving my Champaign home for longer trips, i feel nervous. Nervous that something will go wrong... so I always unplug all the home appliances, pay all the bills, check all the windows. Sounds like Monk.

But this time is a bit strang. It is the first time I feel that i will come back different. I am going on a trip to Europe. Then I will go to Hong Kong to help in my sisters' wedding preparations. Also, my family (including mom, sisters & their boyfriends) will have our first-ever family camp. Who knows how these experiences will work on me?

At this end, the world is changing too. Some friends are leaving. I may not see them again. Two friends will be married when i see them again. Church situation might have changed, or not.

Maybe these are something really get to my sentiments. Or maybe it is just spillover (or mis-attribution) of the normal pre-trip anxiety. I don't know. I just know that it is time to sleep. Hopefully I will have enough strength to survive the long trip ahead.




Saturday, June 23, 2007

Packing

To prepare for the trip, i have read 3 guide books. I would never have thought that planning a trip could be that educational. These books talked about how to plan an itinerary, what to see, where to stay etc etc. But one thing these guide books really enlightened me is TRAVEL LIGHT.

With the advices from Rick Steve's guidebooks and the travelite website, I am trying to just bring a carry-on bag for my trip. My top three challenges to travel light (as you may guess) are clothing, toiletries, and books.

Clothing. I all
ow myself to bring 4 shirts, 1 cardigan and 1 skirt (for occasions like concerts), 1 pair of shorts, 1 pair of pants. Against all the advise, I will be wearing jeans. The black fleece jacket is my security blanket that I always travel with, even in the Summer :P

Toiletries. It is actually a problem that has been solved, not by me, but by the latest flight regulations. Bringing liquid in carry-on luggage is strictly limited. So my boyfriend and i decided to bring little and buy most of what we need when we get to Europe. I guess that would be another European experience. (Or a globlization experience, i.e., P&G everywhere.)

Books. Hm... it is the biggest problem. I developed this habit of reading during travels about 2 trips back. It is amazingly rewarding for two reasons. One, you just don't notice time when you read, so waiting is much bearable. Two, reading during vacation is a license to break away from reading for works. I usually bring a book of a totally new area, adding a little spice to the trip.

For this trip (including my stay in Hong Kong), here they are:

The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Thanks Dustin for suggesting this book. I never have any special interests in any novel (including the famous Jinyong). But after hearing so much about this one, I decided to give it a try.



Present Pasts: Urban Palimpsests and the Politics of Memory. I don't know much about this book yet, but was attracted its topic: collective memory of three urban cities.




The Pig That Wants To Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher. This is a book of small stories. Each story is a never-have-a-good-solution thought experiment. Seems fun.



So here comes the problem. Although these three books are small paperbacks, they add up quickly. Plus the guidebooks and maps, they can be really heavy. Hm... with the goal of traveling light, i need to work harder on this area...




Crazy itinerary

Okay... the Summer is half-way through. Which half? The work-half, definitely. The remaining weeks will be my vacation time. The highlight of this year is a 20-day trip to EUROPE!

My boyfriend and I decided to hit the European road again. This time, we will go to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. Exciting, huh? See if I am tough enough to survive a crazy flight plan like this (translated to Champaign time):

6/25 (mon) Champaign to San Francisco
6/26 (tue) San Francisco to Hong Kong, arriving at 6PM
6/27 (wed) Hong Kong
6/28 (thu) Leaving Hong Kong at 11AM (midnight in HK)
6/29 (fri) Arriving Frankfurt at 3AM (10AM in Frankfurt)

Hope that I am still young and strong enough... I don't want to be fuzzy and sick when I am in Europe...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

執著

~臉~
在秋天遇上 山巒起伏分明的輪廓
清風是溫暖的微笑

我望向澄明的湖 那是個無底的
穩定的湖
含蓄地閃亮 帶著
月亮的光

圓圓的又像神秘的星宿
發出邀請 請你進到那無法測度的
深沈的藍

我在那柔軟的草原上遊走
四周只有呼吸聲 壓抑那
心動的不安

忽然 一行白鷺帶著過往的春與秋
悠悠地飛過這一片天地
掀起了漣漪

深邃的湖 
染上了一片紅…

湖面使勁地回復平靜
但漣漪卻蔓延 定居在
眉宇之間

我的呼吸更深 更沈 
縱身跳入那一個神秘的湖

也許能化成一朵
有刺的紅玫瑰 徜徉在水中
不凋謝 也不用成為白鷺
背上的過客

或者
化成溫暖的空氣 飄浮在陽光中
擁抱那一片天地 輕吻停留在眉宇間
令人心痛的
漣漪

Saturday, June 02, 2007

You and I have memories

longer than the road that stretches out ahead




It is very touching to have a friend who shares memories longer than what's ahead. They established an industry. And they have each others in the memories.


Thursday, May 31, 2007

Keeping Chickens in Your Backyard?!











http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Chickens-in-a-City


It is amazing that some Americans are actually keeping /encouraging others to keep chickens in their backyards! They seem never worry about bird flu...

Monday, May 28, 2007

詩與詞


如果心底話
不可言喻
便訴諸詩詞…

寫星月玫瑰
寫顏色氣味
寫青春深秋
寫聲音輪廓

…千篇萬遍
只想你明白
我的心底話

Graduation 2007

能夠在UIUC讀書,確實是奇異恩典。
Hope the very best for every graduate!







Friday, May 25, 2007

《以畫為喻》

最近對寫作多了一點體會。很佩服鍾情文字創作的朋友,他們的手腕和感興真令人羨慕。這令我想起中四的第一篇課文。

------------

《以畫為喻》 葉紹鈞

咱們畫圖,有時候為的實用。編撰關於動物植物的書籍,要讓讀者明白動物植物外面的形態跟內部的構造,就得畫種種動物植物的圖。修建一所房屋或者佈置一個花園,要讓住在別地的朋友知道房屋花園是怎麼個光景,就得畫關於這所房屋這個花園的圖。這類的圖,繪畫的動機都在實用。讀者看了,明白了;住在別地的朋友看了,知道了,就完成了它的功能。

這類圖決不能隨便亂畫。首先把畫的東西看得明白,認得確切。譬如畫貓罷,牠的耳朵怎麼樣,牠的眼晴怎麼樣,你如果沒有看得明白,認得確切,怎麼能下手?隨便 畫上豬的耳朵,馬的眼睛,那是個怪東西,決不是貓;人家看了那怪東西的圖,決不能明白貓是怎樣的動物。所以,要畫貓先得認清貓。其次,還得練成熟習的手 腕,心裏想畫貓,手上就得畫成一隻貓。像貓這種動物,咱們中間誰還沒有認清?可是咱們不能個個人都畫得成一隻貓;畫不成的原因,就在乎熟習的手腕沒有練成。明知道貓的耳朵是怎樣的,眼睛是怎樣的,可是手不應心,畫出來的跟知道的不相一致,這就成豬的耳朵,馬的眼睛,或者什麼也不像了。所以,要畫貓又得練 成從心所欲的手段。

咱 們畫圖,有時候並不為實用。看見一個鄉下老頭兒,覺得他的軀幹,他的面部的器官,他的蓬鬆的頭髮跟鬍子,線條都非常之美,配合起來是一個美的和諧,咱們要 把那美的和諧表現出來,就動手畫那個老頭兒的像。走到一處地方,看見三棵老柏樹,那高高向上的氣派,那倔強矯健的姿態,那蒼然藹然的顏色,都彷彿是超然不 群的人格的象徵;咱們要把這一點感興表現出來,就動手畫那三棵老柏樹的圖。這類的圖,繪畫的動機不為實用,可以說無所為;但也可以說有所為,為的是表出咱 們所見到的一點東西,從鄉下老頭兒跟三棵老柏樹所見到的一點東西──就是「美的和諧」、「彷彿是超然不群的人格的象徵」。

這類的圖也不能隨便亂畫。第一,見到須是其切的見到。人家說那個鄉下老頭兒很美,你自己不加辨認,也就跟著說那個鄉下老頭兒很美,這就不是真切的見到。人家都畫柏樹,以為柏樹的挺拔之概值得畫,你就跟著畫柏樹,以為柏樹的挺拔之概值得畫,這就不是真切的見到。見到不真切,實際就是無所見,無所見可是也要畫,結果只畫了個鄉下老頭兒,畫不出那「美的和諧」來;只畫了三棵老柏樹,畫不出那「彷彿是超然不群的人格的象徵」來。必須要把整個的心跟事物相對,又把整個的心深入事物之中,不僅認識它的表 面,並且透達它的精蘊,才能夠真切的見到些什麼。有了這種真切的見到,咱們的圖才有了根本,才真個值得動起手來。第二,咱們的圖既以咱們所見到的一點東西 為根本,就跟前一類的圖有了不同之處:前一類的圖只須見什麼畫什麼,畫得準確就算盡了能事;這一類的圖為要表示咱們所見到的一點東西,就得以此為中心,對材料加一番選擇取捨的工夫。這種工夫如果做得不到家,那麼,雖然確有見到,也還不成一幅好圖。那老頭兒的一把鬍子,工細的畫來,不如粗粗的幾筆來得好;那 三棵老柏樹交結著的椏枝,照樣的畫來,不如刪去了來得好;這樣的考慮就是所謂選擇取捨的工夫。做這種工夫有個標準,就是咱們所見到的一點東西。跟這一點東 西沒有關係的,完全不要;足以表出這一點東西的,不容放棄;有時為了要增加表出的效果,還得以意創造。而這種工夫的到家不到家,關係於所見的真切不真切; 所見愈真切,選擇取捨愈有把握,有時幾乎可以到無所容心的境界。第三,跟前邊說的一樣,得練成熟習的手腕。所見在心,表出在手腕,手腕不熟習,根本就畫不成圖,更不用說好圖。這個很明白,無須多說。

以上兩類 圖,次序有先後,程度有深淺。如果畫一件東西不曾畫得像,畫得準確,怎麼能在一幅畫中表出咱們所見到的一點東西?必須能畫前一類圖,才可以畫後一類圖。這 就是次序有先後。前一類圖只憑外界的事物,認得清楚,手腕又熟,就成。後一類圖也憑外界的事物,可是根本卻是咱們內心之所見;憑這一點,它才成為藝術。這就是程度有深淺。這兩類圖咱們都要畫,看動機如何而定。咱們要記載物象,就畫前一類圖;咱們要表出感興,就畫後一類圖。

我的題 目「以畫為喻」,就是借圖畫的情形,來比喻文字。前一類圖好比普通文字,後一類圖好比文藝。普通文字跟文藝,咱們都要寫,看動機如何而定。為應付實際需 要,咱們得寫普通文字;如果咱們有感興,有真切的見到,就得寫文藝。普通文字跟文藝次序有先後,程度有深淺。寫不出普通文字的人決寫不成文藝;文藝跟普通 文字原來是同類的東西,不過多了一點咱們內心之所見。至於熟習的手腕,兩方面同樣重要;手腕不熟,普通文字跟文藝都寫不好。手腕要怎樣才算熟?要讓手跟心相應,自由驅遣語言文字,想寫個什麼,筆下就寫得出個什麼,這才算是熟。我的話即此為止。

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Fresh from CUHK Alumni Newsletter

引述:

The University Pro-Vice-Chancellor Professor Jack Cheng met with some students of the CU Student Press on 17 May. The following text contains the message of Prof Cheng conveyed at the meeting.

中大鄭振耀副校長就《中大學生報》與同學會面

副校長與同學會面 了解同學需要

大學自《中大學生報》事件發生以來,一直非常關心同學,明白同學現時面對很多壓力。今天副校長鄭振耀教授、大學輔導長何培斌教授、學生事務處處長梁天明博士、崇基學院輔導長方永平教授,與《中大學生報》上屆及今屆出版委員會成員及中大學生會會長會面,副校長希望親身了解同學現時面對的困難和需要,盡量協助同學。

由大學教務會學生紀律程序成立的委員會,其決定是獨立的。大學在影視處決定將學生報送往淫褻物品審裁處評定之前,已經成立有關委員會。

澄清調查未完成 發信並非處分

由於有很多溝通上的誤會,同學未必全然了解,因此在會面上鄭教授再次澄清,委員會直到目前只就事件作出一個初步結論,調查程序尚未完成,也未有就處分作出任何決定。學校發信給今屆的十一位出版委員,用意是要敦促同學,所出版的刊物不應含有不雅及粗鄙的內容,而不是處分。

因進入司法程序 大學委員會程序暫緩

鄭教授又向同學轉達,有鑑於淫褻物品審裁處對《中大學生報》的評級可能涉及司法程序,委員會決定暫緩進一步的程序,在稍後適當時候才再約見有關同學聽取他們的陳述。

中大尊重言論出版自由

中大校長劉遵義教授一直強調,大學絕對尊重同學的言論自由和《中大學生報》的出版自由,同學有廣闊的空間,探索不同議題。大學從來不會事先審查《中大學生報》,以後亦不會。校長亦明言,不會為學生報訂立指引。同學擁有編輯自主的同時,亦應該注意社會普遍接受的道德標準,更不應違反法律。

校友律師義務為同學提供法律協助

中大明白同學的需要,已安排律師幫助同學了解當前的法律處境,就有關法例、事件的法律程序、同學可能面臨的情況等,提供一個初步法律解釋。律師提供的有關資訊,已給同學參考。此外,有多位現職律師的校友,關心同學的情況,表示願意義務為同學提供法律協助。《中大學生報》有關同學將於今晚與校友律師見面,商討有關法律程序。鄭教授表示相信有校友將會以私人名義籌款,協助同學進行有關法律程序。


二零零七年五月十七日

再續

這個討論區有中大學生報的聲明,以及一些有意思的討論。
http://www.inmediahk.net/public/article?item_id=216758&group_id=11

我對這件事還沒有組織出一套自己的想法,但其中一些思想方向:

1。如果我是中大學生事務長,或只是一位教員,我會怎樣做。

2。學生運動從來都具爭議性。但這次不是政治意見極端,而是牽涉道德價值,故爭議性更大。

3。社會的道德標準由誰定?

4。從這件事反映出學生運動的式微。大學學生組織在社會上的功能大不如前。其中部分原因是大學生缺乏在這方面的發展機會,推行活動時容易會眼高手低,造成鬧劇。另外是大學學生組織(甚至大學生)在社會上的公信力及應受性很低。事情發生後社會,學校,同學都對學生組織不信任,很快便將事情定性為學生荒唐或者貪玩。

Friday, May 18, 2007

轉載馬家輝談中大學生報風波


你信民政局, 抑或信"淫審處"?

恭喜《中大學生報》的小朋友,你們真是好運氣,心想事成,年紀輕輕即能編輯出一份可能是有史以來閱讀率最高的學生刊物。

為什麼是「心想事成」?

爭取高閱讀率本來就是你們炮製「情色版」的心志之一嘛,2 月號的《中大學生報》第23 頁上不是明明寫這樣的版頭按語嗎: 「都真係想試下知道到底有冇人睇呢版,同埋讀者或者自己有咩意見,所以整呢個問卷調查,絕不想懶科學化呢樣野,目的只在介紹及致送紀念品給有需要的人。填 妥這問卷,交到學生報會室,即可獲得紀念品,安全套乙個。」

好了,有不少學生填了,問卷交回,編輯部把部分答案如實刊出,經由傳媒炒作、校方發惡、官府追究,平地一聲雷地捲起了一場情色風暴,一份本來可能沒有什麼 人有興趣細心閱讀或認真對待的學生刊物驟變全港矚目、一紙難求,連刊載虛擬版本的網絡侍服器亦大塞車; 「求仁得仁」,小朋友們應該覺得非常開心。

當然不是沒有壓力的。這場風暴由傳媒、校方、官府三方聯手撩撥,等於祭起了三道符咒,欲把小孫悟空們壓在五指山下,剛升上所謂大學的小朋友未見過江湖風 浪,自會腳震或落淚。可是,腳震歸腳震,落淚歸落淚,小孫悟空們的反應大抵已夠成熟,他們面對一波連一波的言論非議和官司威脅,依然夠膽企硬兼還擊,該出 席論壇時出席論壇,該召開記者會時召開記者會,該推動聯署時推動聯署,大有「吾愛吾師,但吾更愛真理」之勢,僅是這份勇氣已非常值得成年人為之鼓掌,中文 大學有此門生,劉遵義其實應該到烽火台前開香檳慶祝。

細察這場風暴,大可把風眼源頭定位為傳媒之荒謬、校方之慌亂、官府之荒唐。

傳媒之荒謬在於不分清紅皂白地把學生報的「情色版」類比為小報紙的「風月版」。前者旨在透過性慾禁忌話題以撞擊思考、激發辯論,以3 月號為例,從第23 到27 頁皆有不同文章互為延伸,對於被一般人視為幽黯的慾念,既有呈現,亦有拆解,構成了多聲道的喧嘩,而任何明白文明進程的人必知,唯有多聲道始能進步,協調 和鳴則往往導致死寂; 後者呢,存在目的純粹是把性慾等同為消費,並且只是一元化式、女體征服式的消費,箇中又深深糾纏報社的廣告利益瓜葛,跟思考辯論毫不相干。但到了某些報 紙記者的眼中和筆下,舉凡談及性慾,竟都變成了等量齊觀的色情淫穢,如斯新聞處理,除了反映記者編輯自己的頭腦不長進,實無其他意義。

校方之慌亂在於不管三七廿一地對學生報編委施壓,既有軟功的所謂勸喻,亦有強硬的閉門裁決,連中大校長都在未曾閱讀學生報之前便急於搖頭發言,充分顯示了 掌權者在坊間保守輿論下之自亂陣腳,如斯校政處理,不管是否中大校友,皆應為之感到悲哀。風暴颳起後,中大校方不斷強調「願意為學生報編輯提供心理輔 導」,這就更令人於悲哀之餘感到可笑。學生們正在勇敢應戰呢,還稀罕什麼輔導呢?或許,真正需要接受輔導的是被保守輿論嚇怕了的劉遵義以及有份做出裁決的 校方高層。

官方之荒唐在於由影視處下令淫穢物品審裁處(下稱「淫審處」)集中審評「情色版」,終而得出所謂「二級不雅」的初步裁定(編按:今天始正式公布)。觀乎 《中大學生報》之「情色版」,連續數期皆有不同主題和不同形式,有時候嬉戲,有時候認真,有時候含蓄內斂,有時候比較風媚露骨,但無論採取何種主題和形 式,版面上皆有或長或短的思考按語,從文化研究的角度看,按語有如「框架」(frame),足以產生把雜亂轉化為統整的導引作用,換言之,絕非單純的所謂 「淫穢」文字所能比擬。影視處在「投訴主導」的恐慌下要求「淫審處」做,早已作出過千百次烏龍裁決的「淫審處」在頭腦不清的狀態下亂作判決,結果便是亂 上加亂、一塌糊塗。到底什麼是「二級不雅」、什麼是「淫穢物品」,向來難以劃界,常因評審者的處境和立場而大有相異。舉個例子吧。

4 月底,市面上出現了一本叫做《情長同志:香港十二位「男」同志口述歷史研究計劃》的百頁小書,計劃主辦者和出版者都是「香港性學會」,合辦者為「香港彩 虹」和「香港非正規教育研究中心」,負責採訪和撰稿者為15位中大文化及宗教研究系學生,書內各章,既詳錄了受訪者的成長經驗,亦細述了他們的性愛歷程, 隨手翻開一頁即可看見露骨度絕不遜於「情色版」的白描文字,以下這段已算是比較含蓄的了:

「第一次,我『出』了三、四次呀,有一次還是在浴室。我們接吻了很久很久才開胎脫衣服,那時一定是先脫了上衣,再過一會兒才脫褲,好像有一個flow 似的。我本身有包皮,很敏感的,也很少會反起它……(以下刪去)」

此等文字若出現在《中大學生報》,再經由「淫審處」以胡混之法審評,很有可能又屬於「二級不雅」,幸好,這些文字出現於同樣由中大學生所撰寫之專書之內, 該書又是由民政局「平等機會(性傾向)資助計劃」所支持,書的版權頁上也清清楚楚地寫明「平等機會資助計劃旨在資助促進不同性傾向人士的平等機會的活 動」。

這就是說,同屬露骨性愛,在一個官府單位眼中應該被禁被罰,在另一個官府單位眼中卻應該受獎受助,豈不反證了對於文字之認定與評價,絕不可斷章取義、絕不 應割裂分離?風暴仍在進行中,結局未定,但小孫悟空們至少上了寶貴的第一堂課: 「官」字真的是兩個口,而且非常嘴格分裂,一個口罵「淫!」,另一個口卻讚「正!」。信任哪張官嘴,小朋友請自己好好選擇。

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

愛中大

蔡子強﹕愛在漫天風雨時
——再評中大學生報事件
2007年5月15日

【明報專訊】作者為1987年中文大學學生會會長


如果要我說出自己最敬佩的大學校長,或許有人會覺得我不識時務,因為我心目中的人選,不是一位會為大學掙得很多捐款,也不曉得誇耀自己把大學建設成世界「第幾大」的人,但他卻有教我更加心悅誠服的胸懷——那是中大前校長高錕教授。

記得1993年,中大30周年校慶,舉辦了盛大的「開放日」來慶祝。但碰巧那時,也是六四事件後,香港學運最「激」的幾年,學生組織最恨歌舞昇平,於是便執意要與校方對幹。


高錕校長的故事

在 開放日那天,中大喜氣洋洋,冠蓋雲集,正當高錕校長要致辭時,冷不防被激進的學生衝上主禮台,在眾多嘉賓、家長、同學、校友的眾目睽睽之下,誓要搶走校長 手中的「咪」,以表達另類聲音,結果令台上亂作一團,擾攘達數分鐘之久,令人覺得中大丟盡面子。他們又把抗議的單張放在吹脹的避孕袋內,向現場人士派發, 極盡挑釁之能事。


事後,當校長步下禮台時,《中大學生報》的記者第一時間衝前採訪,詢問校方會否懲罰學生,怎料校長卻一臉詫異的說:


「懲罰﹖我為什麼要懲罰學生﹖」


那位學生記者頓時為之語塞,頗覺自己就像以「小人之心,度君子之腹」。


我記得幾年後,有一晚與老師關信基教授促膝談心,提起這件往事,他才透露,事後差不多各方都排山倒海的要求紀律處分該等學生,但卻有3人由始至終堅持反對,最後才能頂住了壓力。3人中的其中一位,原來就是當事人,本來該是最受屈辱、最應意憤難平的高錕校長。


老師的訓勉


至於另一位,就是當日身為學生輔導長的關老師。我記得老師當時是如此跟我講的:「大學校園,本來就該是引發思潮、帶動社會前進的地方,如果我們的步伐和界線,都與外面社會的一模一樣,那又豈能起到帶動的作用呢﹖」


我完全能夠想像,當日身為輔導長的老師,會為此受盡多少壓力,受盡多少委屈,但當他道出那一番說話時,就是那麼一臉淡然,就像一切本當如此,像高錕校長當日一樣。


老師的學養,做學生的限於資質,學不上皮毛;但老師所講過的做人道理,做學生的,卻一直未敢或忘。


但 可惜當年中大的學生組織,卻不領情,因為校長接受北京委任為「港事顧問」,而一直對抗到底。例如出版學報,大字標題刊出「港事顧問粉飾太平,中大校長一 事無成」等辛辣、侮辱性字眼,令不少教授為之側目。但高錕校長本人卻一直以平常心待之,甚至每年從個人戶口中拿出兩萬元,捐助有財政困難的學生組織中人; 又每年都親筆撰寫書信,多謝學生組織對大學的貢獻;更幫助學生排難解紛,在一場教授與學生可能因教學評核而對簿公堂的官司中,為學生順利調解。


而另外一些更加偏激的中大學生,更加出版一系列以粗口諧音作為名稱的「小報」,刊登一些不雅、性器官的照片,尺度遠比今天的大膽,但當時校方也只是循循善誘,屢加勸喻,卻始終沒有紀律處分。


「法國思想之父」伏爾泰(Voltarie)曾經講過:「雖然我並不同意你的觀點,但我會至死也捍衛你說出那個觀點的權利。」從當年的中大校園,我完全能領會到這句說話的境界,也就是這些點滴和積累,令我們那一輩的學運反叛分子,至今仍十分熱愛中大。


「昨非」與「今是」


近日《中大學生報》的情色版,惹起軒然大波,都說同學偏離了社會標準,公眾不能接受。但社會標準,又真的應是學生運動及校園討論的極限嗎﹖


我 記得80年代初「香港前途談判」,中大同學冒著天下之大不韙,提出香港應該脫離港英殖民管治,民主回歸祖國。當時在這個醉生夢死的殖民社會,這是何等的離 經叛道,與所謂的「主流社會標準」,差距又豈能以道里計,公眾也是絕不接受,甚至更罵同學為「共諜」、「死左仔」。更有聲音說這些中大同學畢業後公司將永 不錄用,甚至催促中大應予以警誡。但20年後,事實證明,究竟又是誰對誰錯呢﹖


今天中大視為顯赫校友的鄭海泉先生,70年代曾是因為在街上 張貼「保釣」海報而被抓過的學運分子。朋友王慧麟曾到倫敦翻閱業已解封的殖民地機密檔案,才發現原來竟然有這位「鄭大班」的黑材料,他被形容為 「extreme radical student」,視之為麻煩搞事分子。


我相信當日也曾經有不少聲音,批評過這些同學影響校譽,損害中大學生形象。但幾十年後,一笑便已風雲過,鄭海泉已成了匯豐「大班」,當日搞學運的何安達,那個曾經拿水槍在宿舍「知行樓」周圍射,憤世嫉俗、玩世不恭的「死飛仔」劉細良,卻已成了行政長官曾蔭權的左右手。學生年代的稜角,本來就是理應如此。


那是一張倔強而非猥瑣的臉


上周四,我有透過電視直播收看學生報編委會的自辯論壇,在一張又一張同學的臉上,我看到的是一臉的倔強和純真,而不是淫褻猥瑣。雖然過去言語間,或許他們有頂撞過個別老師,但我相信他們都是真誠的。


我 相信,如果有一天同學願意反省,又或者歉疚的話,原因一定不是因為校方處分了他們,而是我們這些作為老師的,曾經以極大的耐心和誠意,來看待他們所做過的 事;如果好多年後,學生仍會惦記我們的,多半不會是因為我們教授過他們什麼具體知識,而是我們曾經以身作則,教導他們如何處世做人。


周六 回到校園,得知政政系的同學,在考試季節,大家都在捱更抵夜的時候,還是奮力「開夜車」,趕出了一份聯署聲明,並邀請我加入聯署。這群同學本來不是直接牽 涉在內,但都能如此見義勇為,做老師的常常鼓勵學生要有judgment,要有initiative,如今還夫復何求,即使再有些什麼,也只是枝葉,於是 立即簽名。


為什麼我們這樣愛中大


事件中,我一直只是個旁觀者,只是在旁邊說些風涼說話,我知道真正要負責的中大老師和同事,卻處身熱廚房,壓力都很大。


在 民粹主義肆虐的今天,傳媒會動輒不問情由,指摘我們「包庇」學生,把整間大學的校譽也「擺上枱」。我完全體會到校方調查委員會做決定時的難處,而大學輔導 長何培斌教授,早前接受記者訪問時亦透露,有需要時,他個人願意為學生提供法律支援,並以「有理想、有看法、有堅持」來形容學生報的委員。但我只想補充多 一句,能對學生寬容的,希望都能盡量寬容。


現在差不多每一間大學,都說鼓勵學生獨立思考、批判思維,但當學生的看法與我們一模一樣時,哪用 大家多作lip service;相反,正正是當學生的看法與我們南轅北轍,與我們不同的時候,校方仍能表現出的尊重和包容,才真正最能體現出我們對獨立思考和批判思維的 真誠,才最彌足珍貴。


我們都愛自己的學生,但當學生飛黃騰達,名成利就時,我們的愛充其量只是錦上添花;相反,正正是當漫天風雨,壓力鋪天蓋地,學生茫然無助時,我們的愛,我們所表現出的承擔,才是學生最需要的。


我們那一輩都十分愛中大,因為那是一個曾經容許我們犯錯、容許我們跌倒,以及容許我們跌倒後重新站起來的地方。我真切的希望,很多年後,我們的師弟、師妹、學生,也能夠有幸因同樣的原因,愛同一間中大。

Friday, May 11, 2007

Any guess?

霧月夜抱泣落紅。險些破碎了燈釵夢。
喚魂句,頻頻喚句卿須記取再重逢。
嘆病染芳軀不禁搖動。重似望夫山半倚帶病容。
千般話猶在未語中。心驚燕好皆變空。
小玉妻...

處處仙音飄飄送。暗驚夜台露凍。
讎共怨待向陰司控。
聽風吹翠竹昏燈照影印簾攏。
霧夜少東風,是誰個扶飛柳絮...


是十郎扶你...

生不如死,何用李君關注?

...願天折李十郎,休使愛妻多病痛。



Friday, May 04, 2007

What is Globalization?

And idea?

This word has become part of our daily language. Media cites it for virtually any unresolved issues (just like "culture" in the 90s). What does globalization mean? What are its effects on our lives?

Here is an excellent website if you want to know more about this issue.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Brazilian Breezes

Bought this CD not long ago, just serendipity. Packaging and everything is so plain but her voice is absolutely refreshing. This website provides some songs to sample. Highly recommend "Wave" -- click on the "play" button next to the title and enjoy!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

時.地.人

初來步到
以為紅葉落索繁花以錦
是春去秋來的必然
驚喜過後.期待明年
下一個春.下一個秋

原來紅葉繁花
是氣温濕度日照在某時某地
巧妙拼湊
造就經歷了年月的樹木
一次優雅的表演

走在其中的人.剛巧來到

翌年秋太乾春太冷
葉未紅便枯了
花蕾冰封了

便發現
季節性敵不過隨機性
時地人都是隨緣偶遇

Last April...



























































Friday, April 27, 2007

A night at the Quad

Just some random people randomly happened to be there...


找一個人
想。某一天。
想了又想
在雲上。在星際。在明天。
在某一天


一個人
想。一個字。一個名字。
想了再想
是木訥。是目眩。是相對。
想。
是低下來的心

Monday, April 16, 2007

豈有此理!

-------------------------------
28 April (Sat)
Mini Party for Bachelor Degree or above
7 - 9.30 pm
F: Age 20 to 30 M: Age 26 or above
$180 (pay on or before 25/4, Original $198)
Private Lounge in Hotel, Wanchai
**Providing Seats, Group Dating, Games, etc...**
80 Seats

To reserve your seat, simply register online at www.[company name masked].com, call us or reply to this e-mail. Invite your friends as well - 5% off for 3 tickets or above!

Please also forward this message to your beloved single friends, maybe it will be useful for them as well (*New service - Gift Coupon for single friends - www.[company name masked].htm)
---------------------------

This is such a sexist + age discriminating dating party!! Are educated women in Hong Kong really that desperate?

>:-(

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My Dear Elaine & Hang

They are so sweet, aren't they?

Monday, March 26, 2007

節制和紀律

一個住的生活可以無比放任。

我沒有夜夜笙歌,還滿以為自己很乖很勤奮,但其實生活上的節制和紀律近乎零:飲食睡眠運動胡亂不堪。結果弄得精神散渙身體疲累,這兩天甚至頭昏腦脹。今天跟Florrie一起立志要早睡早起。我這星期要每晚十二時之前睡,看看效果如果。要放棄晚上工作的黃金時間,真的有點擔心。

唔... 現在要睡了!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

梁家傑










一邊聽新聞,一邊睇網上的討論,很驚訝有些香港人會以為梁家傑真想做特首。他們在網上話梁家傑無資格,得把口,叫他退出。我相信梁家傑無意思做特首,他之前在香港家書中亦對女兒說他不會當上特首。我覺得他亦未必做得來。但我是由衷的佩服他,感謝他。

他願意在這個時候站出來令曾蔭權不可以自動當選特首,這是不容易的。要知道他要承受不少的輿論壓力。在他的網誌上有人(一些甚至自稱中小學生)批評他不知所謂,將他評得一文不值,好像能惡評一位知名資深大律師是顯得自己很了不起。我相信梁家傑不會介意,甚至應該高興,至少是他參選讓這些人知道市民是可以評論特首競選人(甚至特首)的。

他這個競選工程亦不遲勞苦,落區探訪答問辯論造勢樣樣做齊。看看他的競選網頁便知道這是很辛苦的。他不像曾蔭權,曾蔭權做這些事情對將來「做好份工」有幫助,但他基本上只是逼曾蔭權做一個像樣的競選工程,間接助曾蔭權「做好份工」。以他一個資深大律師,收入和地位也不錯,根本不需要走出自己的Comfort Zone,自找麻煩。

所以,我是真相信他是為了一個更好的香港而付出的,我也相信他成功了。如果他沒有參選,香港市民現在不會對這次特首選舉有這個(經已不太高的)關注程度,將來也不會對特首選舉有高要求。他是開了一個先河。雖然現在還未能普選特首,香港人仍是有進步的。

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Somewhere in a cornfield















Last October, Edwin and i wanted to take some pictures of the colorful leaves. The trees were so beautiful. But as we drove around town we could not find any good scenes except we ended up in a harvested cornfield. Since the sun was going down, we could not afford to waste any more minutes driving.

That's why we took pictures of cornfield instead. Although the idea does not sound very good, the sunset added a beautiful touch on everything. Some of pictures i show in the album are taken by Edwin. I took some as well but nothing comparable to his. You probably can tell which are his and which are mine.

Click to see pictures:
Don't complain that Champaign has nothing but cornfield. With enough patience you can also find good things here. :)

And if you are interested in the colorful fall in Champaign, here are the pictures from 2005:

Thursday, March 15, 2007

THANK YOU!
















Koman, Ice cream, Jacky, Edwin, rentertainment, Lay's, mountain dew, Patrick, conversations with other women, Stephen, Yu, Florrie, George, pizza, birthday song and candle, wine, Jacky (again), Lam & Eason, Ice cream cake, birthday song and candle (again), coffee and starbucks liquor, Yan-zi, Vivian Chow, Jacky Cheung, Anita Mui, Andy Lau, Faye Wong, Patricia Chan, Mahjong and crazy pictures... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

《林夕字傳》

可以買給我嗎?

林夕的歌詞總有一種難以言喻的哀愁.一種扎心的共鳴.就像花樣年華中的周慕雲。我曾因聽林夕的歌而流涙,就僅只那一次。

但我不太認識歌詞以外的他,只記得他的一兩句話。有人問他從何而得創作靈感.他回應說填詞像工廠生產,並無所謂靈感.埋位便要寫。當時我很失望,但後 來反而更佩服他,寫詞彷彿是他感情反射.甚至羡慕他可以用文字表達所感。另一次訪問,他提及怎樣寫出感人的歌詞,他說主要是要寫出自憐。我們都是那麼自憐的嗎?

我是聽林夕長大的。之前知道他曾有抑鬱症,心裡也有淡淡的傷感,亦多一點理解為什麼他筆下有這樣的情感。

Monday, March 12, 2007

Do you know some useful words?

How to describe the feeling when your loved one is over 7000km away, being sick at home, and not even have the strength to get up? How about you know that there is nobody to take care of him, feed him some congee, or even heat some water for him?

Please let me know if you think of some words to describe it.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

豬年好玩!

收到老闆在豬年的第一封電郵,以新年新數為題...

人 = 吃飯 + 睡覺 + 上班 + 玩 --- (1)
豬 = 吃飯 + 睡覺 --- (2)

把(2)代入(1)

=> 人 = 豬 + 上班 + 玩

兩邊各減去"玩"

=> 人 - 玩 = 豬 + 上班

結論:不懂玩的人 = 會上班的豬


祝各位

豬年好玩!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Sweet Surprise!


喜氣洋洋

The coming Sunday is the Chinese New Year. My family just had the "tuen nin" dinner a few hours ago. It is an important custom of the Chinese culture that families gather for a big dinner at the end of each year. You can think of it as Chinese version of Thanksgiving.

I was virtually there through iChat. They shared a "poon choi" (picture). Yummy! I also saw their flowers: some traditional spring flowers (Chinese version of Narcissus, very fragrant) and two rose bouquets. They were heading to the festival market after the dinner.

Rose bouquets? Yes! Because the Valentine's day is just past!

And also: ELAINE IS ENGAGED!!! They proposed to each other on Valentine's Day :D It was their agreement earlier when they started dating; both of them need to propose to the other. So both of them secretly bought a ring. Hang also proposed with a bunch of black roses. How exciting! My home is filled with love!


I know you probably are bored by the thousands of pictures of a similar view (from my window). It is partly because i discovered that it is extremely easy to export pictures from iPhotos to Google photos. Then, just copy and paste the links to photos/albums onto the blog. It is the fastest way to show mom, sisters, and friends my situation right here.

Be patient to a poor girl who has been trapped in her apartment for days. Will try to shoot some different soon!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

白色情人節

雪終於停了

雪下了超過二十四小時,周遭白朦朦一片。朋友說她到外面玩了一趟,積雪高過膝蓋。真羨慕她下雪的時候有男朋友相伴,天氣再惡劣依然浪漫。

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

在香港的時候,如果想吃蛋糕,便立刻跑到樓下的麵包店。紙包蛋糕、合桃蛋糕、蛋韃... 應有盡有。在這邊想吃蛋糕怎麼辦?碰巧是大雪天當然沒法子開車到店去買。但即使買來的也不定合口味。於是要吃蛋糕便得動手做。今日做了一個coffee cake,味道還可以。這個Coffee cake是「懶惰」蛋糕,只要將所有材料混合拌勻便可放進焗爐。過程不需用打蛋器,也不需要特別技巧,因此也不怎麼有趣。很想下次做海綿蛋糕。^_^

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The School is Closed Today!

In fact, the town is closed today...


Jimmy said it only happened once during his 7 years in Minneasota. I experience it in my second winter in Illinois.

I did not know that all classes were cancelled when i got up. Actually i just told myself that i wouldn't go to school today no matter the classes are cancelled or not. It was just too scary outside. It is snow storm: heavy snow plus very strong wind. If you see my online album (click on the picture), you'll know that it was already bad last night.

Pleased to have an extra day off... but it seems like I am going to use it for nothing...

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Just saw someone driving outside. Where do they want to go??

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
To my friends in Champaign-Urbana: Hang in there and enjoy!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

一點反思

在朋友的網誌上讀到這篇文章。雖然言論有點兒極端,但值得深思。

北大教授與小學老師

 這年頭,很多人都在哭窮。

  北大新聞學院兼職副教授周憶平(即著名的電視清談節目主持人阿憶),在博客上公布自己的工資單,他的月總工資為4786元。這份收入遠遠高於其他大學中同 級別教師的收入,北大畢竟是「最高學府」。即便在北大內部,這份收入也算比較豐厚,阿憶自己便說,有些「開源」能力較弱的系科裏的正教授也拿不到這樣的工 資。

 但是,阿憶有一個迥然不同的參照系。在素有「黃金行業」之稱的電視界過慣了紙醉金迷生活,他對這點收入根本不屑一顧。據阿憶說,他在電視台任職,月收入至少可以達到8萬元以上,他購買的豪宅亦價值數百萬,開的是豪華的別克車。北大的這點工資,哪夠維持如此水準的生活呢?

 阿憶的哭窮得到了許多北大教授們的共鳴。就在「北大教授哭窮」成為網民和媒體爭議的話題的時候,我卻看到了另外一則關於一位小學教師的新聞。

 劉念友,重慶市開縣北斗村小學教師。開縣是全國聞名的貧困縣,而北斗村更是人均年收入不足1000元的貧困村。劉念友的年收入還不及阿憶的月收入。北大教授和小學教師,身分不同,地位不同。精英與大泷之間,大概就該有這樣的差異。

  在一對兒女眼中,劉念友是一個狠心的爸爸。兩個孩子先後考上大學,父親都沒有給他們準備好學費。於是,只好由姐姐外出打工來供養弟弟上學。但在劉念友教書 的班上,在他的學生們眼中,劉老師卻是一位「很有錢」的老師。劉老師經常幫那些家裏十分貧窮、繳納不起學費的孩子交學費,甚至連很多孩子的生活費以及生病 了買藥的錢,都是劉老師支付的。以他那微薄的工資,根本不可能承擔這一筆又一筆的費用。這些錢,是從哪裏來的呢?

  久而久之,學校裏的同事和家人們發現,劉念友在周末和寒暑假經常「人間蒸發」,沒有人知道他上哪裏去了。一次偶然的機會,劉念友的「秘密」才暴露出來—— 每逢這些日子,他便跑到附近的小煤窯裏當礦工。與劉念友一起下井挖煤的農民們都很困惑:「既然他是老師,是文化人,有固定的收入,為什揦還要來受這份苦, 掙這點用命換來的錢呢?」然而,正是靠覑這筆冒覑生命危險掙來的錢,劉念友才做到了沒有讓一個學生輟學。

  劉念友沒有哭窮,他一邊在暗無天日、危險重重的井下挖煤,一邊在課堂上告訴學生說,知識能夠改變命運;阿憶教授卻在哭窮,因為他傲慢地認為自己是這個社會 的精英分子,精英分子不該只有這麼少的工資,儘管北大副教授的職務只是一份兼職,他在電視台的那些肥缺並沒有統統辭去,他花費在教書育人上的時間和精力都 十分有限。

 北大早已不是魯迅所稱讚的那個「常與黑暗勢力抗戰」的北大了。北大是自私自利者的天堂。一群自私的老師,將一群全國最聰明的學生,教育成了最自私的精英。北大不斷伸手向社會「要」,卻從來沒有想過如何反饋社會。

 決定中國未來的命運的,不是像周憶平這樣學識淵博、食有魚出有車的高級知識分子,而是像劉念友這樣默默無聞、肩起黑暗閘門的普通公民。

 [文·余杰 獨立作家,現居北京,著有《天安門之子》等]

﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣
(註:如果不太認識內地礦工的情況,可參考明報週刊文章《血煤中國礦工實錄》,並留意觀看圖片。)


Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I see *real* snow today!

(To my dear friends in Hong Kong and California!)

Look at this picture taken yesterday:















Sunny and bright, right? Just looked like a warm summer day. But you are deceived (so did i)! It was -11F outside. With wind chill it felt like -20F (almost -26C). We were joking that it'd be better to hide in a fridge.

But today...

It was snowing like crazy! Walking on the snow when it's snowing is a fun experience. The snow came all over my face and body. Imagine walking in a heavy rain (like red raining signal in HK) but the rain drops are ice drops.

Also, walking become a bit tiring because every step immerses your foot into the snow. It takes some extra effort to lift your foot again. So i ended up hopping (jumping lightly) instead of walking, i.e., lifting the foot before it steps too deeply into the snow. It was fun too!

(click the 2nd picture to see more pictures! Remember to use the slideshow function.)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Mom

I chatted with mom this morning. It started with just some casual talk: having a new office, meeting a new friend from Australia etc. But somehow mom mentioned the information age we are living now. She said there are so much to learn and to explore but she has physical constraints. Her health apparenlty deterioate since she had a stroke episode 10 years ago. She cannot learn all she wants to learn, see all she wants to see, do all she wants to do.

And she commented that for the past several decades she was not paying attention to the future; she was not thinking much until she realized she has arrived at where she is now. She said she is mentally preparing for the next stage of her life, realizing that it could be the last.

By the time i graduate, mom will be almost 60. Yes, she will have passed most of her years. I want to be near her and travel with her. I remember her most lovely smile-during her first time on a flight-last January when we were heading to Beijing. She had that smile also when she was on the great wall and the forbidden city. She got to see what she has been dreaming of since she was young. I wish i can do more for her.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Snowy Day

From Snowy Day
I want to write down my experience last Sunday. Although it was not my first snowy winter, it was my very first time driving on snow (literally). Background: We had 4-6 inches snow overnight, which itself was not particular bad. I had experienced 4-6 inches snow in an hour. Some even told me they had experienced worse. But it was my first time winter driving experience.

Of course, you can imagine, my dark blue car had put a thick white jacket on that morning. (I should have taken pictures!!!) I wiped off the snow and warmed up the car. But then, since i left for church early (around 8.30am), the property management did not remove the snow on the traffic road yet. So, I drove on snow, a snowy white road. Pretty funny.

Actually, it was not very funny once I got out of the apartment complex. The traffic road was not completely cleared up, still had some snow and ice. And the lines were covered so it was hard to determine whether the car is within a lane. I believed I had several times stepping on the line. Everybody seemed to just follow the car ahead. Besides, there was still some snow on my windscreen. Visibility was low. Of course, I drove slowly. Such condition was already very challenging for a new driver like me.

The most scary part: my car skidded! It happened when I was making a left turn. I lost control of the car for a few seconds. The steering wheel seemed to turn in the way it like. My immediate reaction was to get hold of it. When I got it under control again, my car was already on the left lane. Fortunately, there was no car on the left lane, or behind me.

You can also imagine, skid is not something uncommon here. That morning, several of my friends had experienced skids. And I am told, there are more to come.

Now I am reading from the internet about winter driving. For the record, the weather here is not that bad, we have been around 20-30F. Compared to our folks in Austin TX, where the city was shut down after
days of ice storm, we are pretty good right here.

Pete

Do you know where is Bargram, Afghanistan? It is where my good friend, Pete, is now. He serves in the Air Force and was deployed over there 1 week ago.

Pete is my good friend from Austin. He was a junior when we met--we were in the operation management class. We became friends almost immediately and naturally. That summer, we went to Chicago (my very first time) where his brothers and sister lived. I remember we jogged on some "random" streets and we walked along the Lake. I guess I got to love Chicago since then.

When I told him I was going to UIUC for doctoral work, he told me that UIUC is just 15-min away from where his mom lives. Nice surprise. So after I came here, I actually went to his mom's house twice, when he was visiting. The first time was my first-ever Thanksgiving. I got to know his mom. Then was during his long road trip from Florida to Idaho. He finished his training in Pensacola, FL and moved base to Boise, ID. He drove by IL to see his family. It was during the Spring of 2006.

His younger brother came back from Iraq during the past Thanksgiving after a one-year deployment, now is his turn. I cannot help but thinking of their mom, who is such as kind and warm lady. Wish him and his family all the best.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

張宏艷 • 馬家輝

張宏艷
在這個假期裡,一口氣讀了張宏艷的《再見女主播》。張宏艷剛畢業在有線電視當主播,沒多久便對主播工作產生很多疑問和失望。她於是到日本求學希望脫離主播台和新聞圈,但求學期間的閱歷及後來的反省卻令她看見新聞工作的價值。書的副題是《離開是要為了再回來的風景》——她看見主播台前台後更好的風景。

我後來分別跟不同的朋友談起這本書。張宏艷在序言提到,書的每一章像是關於對主播行業的「常見問題」的。其中有記述她如何克服說廣東話的障礙,和學習做訪談節目等等。這本書確實使我更了解主播行業,但我更加喜愛的是文中種種滲透出來的一種真誠。我看見一個對生命對世界認真的人,以及這個人不斷的更新突破。我對書中一幕印象尤深:張宏艷在日本學習,意識到自己對世界的認識非常膚淺,於是向自己的導師問怎樣才能成為有學識的人。我幻想當時她必是因為自己的無知而激動。

馬家輝
最近思考「集體回憶」這個課題,在網上閱讀一些香港人的網誌。無心遊蕩之下碰到馬家輝的Blog。我對馬家輝認識很少,只偶爾讀到他在明報寫的專欄,記得他一兩篇文章。他在Blog上寫得隨心,多是生活感興。我像讀張宏艷的《再見女主播》一樣,一口氣讀了很多篇。

很喜歡他的文字像圖畫,讀起來彷彿看見影像。或是記重慶街頭,或是記賭場所見,都是一幕又一幕的人間風景。他也喜歡記述有關於他女兒的瑣事,只短短數行,卻足見一位父親的幸福。從他的筆下看見世界大千也看見人情。(我不禁問)人活了好幾十年怎麼好像沒有因生活和世態而苦澀?

﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣﹣

為什麼喜歡讀這類文章呢?再三思想之後明白是好奇心作祟。不是對名人私事的好奇,而是對世界和思想的好奇。差不多的事物從不同人眼中看出不一樣的風景,想知道從他們的眼睛看的世界如何。當然我是偏愛看美好的正面的,就像我偏愛看輕鬆愛情電影一樣。我不是逃避世間的不幸和醜陋,只是隨處所見經已很足夠了吧!

越來越仰慕文人,他們學識淵廣通文學歷史政治,且能用文字帶領讀者經歷他們的所思所見。我小時不喜歡讀課外書,現在也不可算是愛書之人,著名的作家詩詞小說通通不懂(說來慚愧)。雖然做研究也可勉強算是以寫作為生,但我相信我沒指望成為飽讀詩書的文人的了。

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Tiramisu Party

Tiramisu seemed to be the most-favored dish of the night.











To celebrate the end of Winter break(!), Koman and I made a dinner and invited Tiffany, Elizabeth, Issac, Jacky, and George to come over.

We had two appetizers: blue cheese & pear tartlets and mushroom spread (served with baguette). The appetizers tasted good and were a good kickoff of the dinner.Then, we had chicken cordon bleu. I think it is a rather complicated chicken dish. Thanks Koman for being in charge of that. I cannot imagine touching raw meat. (i was not afraid of doing that but developed this "sentiment" unconsciously...) We also had potatoes tuna pie. To go with the dishes, we had a drink made of grapefruit juice, ginger ale, and cinnamon.


Dessert time! We had tiramisu and it was surprising great. George was our guest-of-honor and he had tiramisu in a measuring cup. Very creative, huh?

I actually bought a bottle of brandy for making the tiramisu. I had never tried brandy before. Brandy is actually strong (40% alc. content) but sweat. Very tempting. To prevent me from drinking the brandy, Koman and I plan to make brandy dishes in our future gathering.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Some thoughts about tenure


It might be due to the sunny morning, I start feeling better today.


I talked with professor N, whose tenure clock is up this semester. But N never let tenure be a life/death thing and never let tenure be the purpose for research. Working together for over 1 year, our conversation seldom relate to tenure and publications. We spent hours debating contributions of our research, designing studies, analyzing data. We both think research is a fun thing to do. And the process is enjoyable despite that our project is not going anywhere so far.

I admire N very much. N encourages me to seize every learning opportunity now. It is because the time and opportunity to learn is very limited once I become an assistant professor. Assistant professors are expected to publish a number of good papers within (usually) 6 years. The number is no less than 4 for Marketing. I am not sure about Psychology but feel that it should be somehow doubled. "Time constraint + teaching + adjusting to new job/environment" makes learning difficult.

Two years ago, Felix reminded me of protecting my interests for research. He told me not to exhaust it by overworking because it will wilt. Felix's words became a word of wisdom to me. After knowing more about the tenure system, I even think that genuine passion for research needs to be defended. The genuine passion is based on the intrinsic satisfaction derived from learning and growth.

I am not sure if N would get tenure here, but I am sure N will remain happy, and passionate for research.

"Life is bigger than a tenure," N said.


--------------
Thanks Edwin for pointing out that I wrote *cease* every opportunity
in an earlier version. What a mistake!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Back to Champaign... (2)

回來後一直不敢給媽媽打電話,怕聽見媽媽的聲音便會哭。今早醒來,不知身在何方。空白的睡房牆壁、灰濛的天色... 即時不知所措哭起來。

上教會後跟朋友吃午飯,然後開車去買東西。在Meijer裏走來走去,腦袋很空洞,像是行屍走肉,對任何東西任何食物都提不起勁。Homesick 和 Jetlag 要負一定責任。

太誇張了吧!經已是第三次回家後再回來。不能想像現在感受到的emotional stress比辛苦工作時的壓力更甚。冷靜一點去想,其實也沒有什麼大不了啊。現在是工作和學習的時候,到下一個假期便再回家。

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Back to Champaign...


朋友說回國渡假後的失落感會令他後悔回國。我不回應,但心裡面的失落卻有很大共鳴。


「我又得回到這個空房子了......」我踏進家門時這樣想。然後許許多多的矛盾和胡思亂想充滿腦際。

另一留學加州的朋友說出外讀書是奇異恩典。我很贊同。我滿心感激有這個學習機會。這是近乎奢侈的機會。「這不就是我憧憬的生活嗎?一個人到外國求學,有自己思考和生活的空間,追尋理想...」我應該高興,應該勇往直前。面前有無盡的事務,太多的目標和計劃,讀不完的書,看不完的風景。

跟媽媽妹妹分別很不捨,離開男朋友更是無比的失落。每次回家後都感到 existential threat。「如果不能再見他們任何一個,我會恨自己一輩子... 」在東京跟男朋友分別,他陪我到最後一分鐘,他是飛機上最後上機的乘客。接下來三年多的人生都要與所愛的人相隔七千多里,幻想Attachment Theory 會給我一點解救:「我的attachment style是怎樣?這種別離之苦要受多久... 」當然沒有答案。

但我沒有後悔回家,因為歡欣和離愁是手牽手的雙生兒。我也沒有後悔到這裏讀書,因為別離是這奇異恩典的必然部分。

天下無不散筵席,但願席上人長久。